On March 10th I went into labor with Addison, being technically one week past her “due” date of March 3rd. The day was pretty normal, just me and Haden hanging out while Daddy was at work. We did a lot of dancing that day, which was lots of fun because Haden likes to try and mimic the break dancing that he has seem the lion on Madagascar do. In the afternoon we laid down to watch a movie and take a nap. When I woke up from my nap I was having a contraction. This was at 4:20 in the afternoon. I didn’t really pay it much mind because I’ve been having contractions here and there for the past few weeks.I decided to get up and start working on making dinner, which was a big pot of homemade minestrone soup. I turned back on the radio. Throughout making my dinner the contractions kept coming, seemed like about every 5 minutes or so. I never did time any of them though so I’m just guessing. I just danced during them, trying not to pay to much attention because I wasn’t really sure I was even in labor. At some point Haden woke up and was hanging out with me while I cooked. Then Michael called to say he was on his way home. I told him then that I didn’t want him to get too excited but I thought that I might be in labor.

Michael got home at around 6 and we all sat down and ate. They were still coming what seemed like every few minutes and Michael was sure I was in labor but I still wasn’t convinced. He decided to go to the chiropractor as he had originally planned, so he left and I started cleaning up from dinner and straightening up the house. At some point after he left, they started to get stronger. I decided to call him to see how much longer he would be, I wanted him home with me. He told me I should call my mom to come and pick Haden up, which I decided to do even though at that point I still had my doubts about it being the real deal. After that I didn’t really like doing anything else around the house. They got to the point where I didn’t want to be upright during them anymore, so every time I had one, I would get down onto my hands and knees. Haden kept trying to comfort me during them by giving me hugs and telling me it was going to be okay. He’s such a sweet boy.

Michael got back, saw me and starting pulling out the birth pool and blowing it up. Not long after that my mom showed up to get Haden. They were already a little bit stronger then and I wanted to be more vocal during them. My mom and Haden left and after that, things seemed to speed up. I went into the bedroom and kept getting on the bed on hands and knees for them. Then I made a pallet with pillows to lean on. They kept getting more intense and I kept getting more vocal, moaning through them. Michael started taking breaks from trying to get everything set up so that he could be with me during the contractions. He turned on some music for me (Enya & Enigma) and started burning some essential oils, setting the mood. It was really nice and helped me start relaxing some.

Contractions were very intense and I remember Michael being behind me with his pelvis pressed into my butt while he leaned over me and wrapped his arms around me. So he could hold my belly, where all the tension was during contraction and he would help me sway my hips back and forth and talk me through it. It felt like a cross between dancing and making love and I remember thinking how sexual it felt. In between contractions I think I joked that if we had been in a hospital right then, that we probably would have given some of the staff a heart attach. lol Then again if we had been in a hospital we probably never would have been doing that in the first place.

After a bit I told Michael I had to have the water. I just knew I needed to be there because nothing else was going to make me feel better. So he worked on filling the tub up for me and as soon as it was full enough for me I hopped in. As soon as I hit the water, I felt relieved. Just… more right. I think I told Michael that women having babies were meant to be in the water. I remember thinking that I didn’t know how women could give birth unmediated without water, even though I have seen many of them do it. Things picked up even more once I was in the water, to the point were I thought that pain was way more than what I had expected and I thought I must be insane. Why didn’t I just go to the hospital for an epidural like everyone else? I could be laid back feeling nothing… which at that moment sounded like a good thing. lol

In between contractions Michael was rubbing my hair and giving me soft kisses on my face. It was so relaxing, in between the contractions I could almost completely forget that I was in labor at all, I was like mush but then I would get slammed again. The sensations were so extreme, it felt like a life force trying to split me apart. I kept thinking that if I weren’t closer to the end that I didn’t know if I would make it. During one contraction Michael leaned down and kissed and nibbled on my ear and my neck and the contraction was like an explosion going through my body. I remember fussing at him, accusing him of making them stronger. lol It was so strong it made me nauseous and when it was over I told Michael that I was going to throw up, to get me a bowl. And I did. Up came my homemade minestrone soup. Eww.

The taste in my mouth was so gross that I forced myself to get out of the pool to go brush my teeth because I knew the taste was going to be too distracting. I had a couple of really sucky contractions in the bathroom and hurried back to the pool as quick as I could. After that they only got more intense. I wanted to cry and give up. I kept telling Michael that I couldn’t do it anymore and he would tell me I could… and I knew that I could. There was so much pressure and I just wanted to fight against it. I said out loud that I needed to quit fighting it. So I tried to keep my body as loose as was possible and just kept going. The pressure was finally so much that I had to do something about it and so I pushed without ever actually consciously deciding too. And it felt good! Well, compared to what it felt like before. lol

When I told Michael he said that if it felt good I should keep pushing during them and just listen to my body. The “mind” of me was debating in my head about this, thinking that I hadn’t been in labor very long and that if I wasn’t dilated all the way pushing against my cervix would be bad. I decided to get out of my head and listen to my body… and Michael and pushed during the contractions. I think I pushed during 2 more and then I felt her. I put my finger inside me and I could feel her head! My bag hadn’t broke so I could feel that and water moving back and forth as I moved my fingers and when I pressed harder I could feel the firmness of her head. I was so excited. I told Michael it would be very cool is she was born in the caul but during the next contraction the bag broke as I was pushing. Michael has that contraction on video and when it happened I said “I broke”. lol

My excitement was short lived though because the contraction after that, I pushed and it brought her right down to crowning. There was no one step forward, 2 steps back. Her head was pushing on my tissues with such a force that it was almost unbearable. I wanted to not push because of the pain and at the same time I had no choice. I could see her head and everything stretching and I though for sure that I would just split open, that all my vaginal tissues were just going to rip and tear. I used my fingers to try and help stretch the tissues but I didn’t feel like it was doing any good. I tried changing positions, hoping that she might slide back up or something. I told Michael that it hurt so bad and that I just wanted to push her back up inside and I clenched my legs together trying to will her to slid up some. But it didn’t work. lol

I got back into knelling position and then during the next contraction I just put all my force into it to try and bring her out. I roared during the contraction. Literally. I had too. I needed its force to get through the contraction and to push with all my might and… it worked. Her head came out. OMG, what a relief. I felt like crying, maybe I did. I can’t be sure. I just kept touching her head, amazed that she was almost there and then with the next contraction I pushed and she slid the rest of the way out. I grabbed her and pulled her onto my chest. I was ecstatic. I kept saying she’s perfect. She’s perfect. She was pink and screaming and perfect. Then I thought to lift her up and actually verify she was a girl & of course she was. We knew she was a girl.

It’s funny that my birth went nothing like I had thought that it would. My favorite types of birth videos have always been like Birth As We Know It and videos such as that. I guess when I imagined my birth I always kind of saw it like those. lol. I am apparently not an earthy birthy, make it look serene type of birther. It was gritty and loud. I moaned, I thrashed, I cried and I whined. It was beautiful and intense and scary. And I was a warrior, like we all are.

Addison Lynn Bowden was born at 9:40pm after approx. 5 hours and 20 minutes of labor. She weighed 9 lbs. 1 oz. & measured 18 inches long.

On Tuesday the 11th, our estimated due date, we checked in the with our midwife who said she would set up n induction meeting if we wanted for next week. We thought this was probably code for “you’re not going anywhere soon”. We went to dinner with my parents, that night. They had arrived that afternoon in hopes of catching the birth of their grandson in the next ten days or at the least, help their daughter distract herself from being past her due date.

From my appointment on, I had been having mild cramping and back to back contractions which were just there but didn’t hurt at all. I still didn’t think much of it, though. We parted ways with my parents and went home. I fell asleep on the couch and at about 12:30, I woke up and stood up to go to bed when…my water broke! Everyone says that the massive gush of water only happens in the movies but oh dear, there it was!!! SO after about an hour of bouncing around excitedly, we decided that it wasn’t actually going to stop. We called my doc and midwife who said if I wanted I could continue laboring but they wanted to see me by 18 hours if I hadn’t progressed. We packed, ate and went to sleep as best we could.

At noon, our mothers convinced us to go in. they met us there and we were all set up in our room. The staff wanted me on antibiotics since my water had been broken for “so long” but they said I could cap it and walk around and only be monitored 15 minutes for every 45. On our first walk around, my midwife came to talk to me about pitocin. We said we didn’t want to go that route but we agreed if we hit 18 hours.

Well, we did hit 18 hours and I was still having very mild contractions. Timable but nothing major. (ha! little did I know!) So at 18 hours, they started the antibiotics and then started me at a 2 with the pit. Things started off pretty well. i was having fun for a while with my family congregating in my room, until they checked me after half an hour on the pitocin and i was about a 2. I had a minor breakdown because i just didn’t think I’d progress at all even with the augmentation and after 24 hours, I’d still have to have a c-section. Our midwife, too, kept trying to tell us that there was a much higher risk of a C with pitocin and also, almost no one stays natural on pitocin. So, they kept adjusting the pit. My mom finally had them changed it from 12 to 10 because i was having back to back contractions 2 minutes long with no break.

Finally, around 9pm (2 hours after they started the pitocin), I was sitting with my family and I started getting really strong contractions and they sort of sensed something was going on so they us alone. The nurse came in at that point and said they needed to turn off the pitocin because my contractions were taking their own course ( my mom thinks that I would have reached that point by myself without help, any way…she has so much faith in my body!) After they took me off of the pitocin, my body kicked things into high gear and we were off and running! The next three hours went pretty quickly in retrospect but I swear, during the process, I thought I had been in there for 6 days! My midwife, nurse and Kellen were amazing in terms of support. They tried to get me to move into different positions which I did several times but for the most part, I labored on my side on the bed! At the very end I was actually sleeping between contractions because I was so tired at that point!

After an hour or so, I had this incredible need to push and out came…a bag of hind-water? Apparently this is fairly normal. The staff told me not to push anymore unless I was complete or I would cause my cervix to swell up and I’d have to have a c-sectoin. Needless to say I was giving my body very mixed signals! So I tried to stop pushing but it was beginning to be near impossible. It was around this time that I started bargaining with Kellen. I said I either needed SOME sort of medication or I needed to PUSH! He said he thought I was probably in transition and I was doing great and I didn’t need medication. I told him no no no I wasn’t. Just like we talked about in class, before hand I thought I cold intellectualize my way out of transition but really, I was convinced I was NOT going to be able to do it! After another hour of begging for one or the other, he called the midwife in to have her check to see if I was complete.

She managed to check me in between contractions and I was complete! I immediately started pushing. They of course told me to stop because the room was not yet set up! Of course, I couldn’t stop pushing at that point, even though I was doing my best to tell everyone I couldn’t push because I was afraid it would hurt! To ad to my dissolved resolve, Kellen said “there’s his head!” No turning back now! I pushed for 6 minutes and Little Kai came tumbling out just as they managed to set up the room. Exactly 24 hours after our water broke, they tossed our little guy up onto my tummy! I had been pretty quiet during labor (only swearing and whining when the staff left me alone with Kellen) but they said I was going to wake up the entire hospital with my SCREAMING afterward! I just continued babbling on at about a volume 10, things like “I can’t believe I did it!” “Look what I made!” “He’s soooo beautiful!”

It was fantastic even if long and slightly augmented. I didn’t tear (he was a whopping 6lbs4.4oz!) thank goodness, so my recovery is going pretty well. I swear, that natural high is stronger than anything they could have given me. Kellen was amazing and should probably go into birth coaching. :O)Everything is going well three weeks later. Breast-feeding is going well, albeit frustrating asknew it probably would be. Kai is gaining weight and looking great. He is, in our very unbiased opinion, the cutest, smartest baby ever.

I went to sleep about 11pm thinking it would be nice to get a nap and wake up in labor at about 2.  At 2am on the dot, I woke with a fairly intense contraction.  Contractions weren’t very close together-about 8 to 10 min, but were strong enough to get me out of bed.  I putzed around for an hour and then woke dh at 3 so that he could arrange coverage at work. Of course he didn’t believe we were really having the baby, so he wanted to wait until 4, and then 5.  At around 4, we started cleaning up the house for all the company we’d be having.  At 5, I called my midwife and my mother, and dh finally called his job.  By then contractions were about 3-6 minutes apart, but I was feeling whiny and nauseated.  I kept thinking it was going to be a long day b/c the contractions were so spaced out that I couldn’t possibly be anywhere near birth.

I was feeling contractions all the way around my waist-not really back labor, but the cramping extended around the sides of my waist.  And I could feel small parts at the front of my baby belly, so I was fairly sure that the baby was posterior.  I kept trying to get into hands and knees for him to turn, but it didn’t seem to help and I couldn’t tolerate the position for long.  I got in and out of the tub several times, heating the water as hot as I could each time. I just felt so much better in the water.

When the midwife arrived at around 6, I was 4-5cm, farther than I expected.  I still felt like I wasn’t really close to birth, and I was worried that my mental state wasn’t right for so early in labor. Between contractions I joked and talked, but I had to breathe through them.  Mom, my husband and the midwife took turns sitting in the bathroom with me.  When I started “sounding” with contractions, I heard the midwife tell dh “She’s getting close”. Contractions were still pretty spaced out, so I thought she was wrong and again worried about my mental state and my ability to make it through labor.  Dh started telling me I’d better get out of the tub b/c he didn’t want a water birth.  I reluctantly did.  When I vomited, I finally started to believe that I might be in transition.  I sat through a couple of contractions on the toilet, and began to feel some pressure.

I moved to the bedroom and sat on the side of the bed.  With each contraction I sounded louder and louder.  As I felt more pressure, the sound went from a low pitched “ohhhhhh” to almost a growl partway through the contraction.  Dh sat behind me with his shoulder against my back and leaned into me with each contraction.  I noticed at one point that I was pushing and instead of “ohhhing” was now just bellowing through each contraction.  I heard my 5yo ask why I was making so much noise, and my mother explained that the baby was almost ready to be born.  Even while pushing the contractions were never closer than about 3 minutes. Between them, I couldn’t talk anymore but I could hear my family talking-the kids were so excited and my mom was planning where they could stand to watch the birth.  I bellowed through about 5 contractions. My water finally broke, with a little meconium in it.  The midwife got out a Delee.  On the next contraction I roared out Isaiah’s head, and then his body.  The kids were watching from the doorway.  My first response was just relief that it was over.  Isaiah was born straight OP, which explained why pushing took so long.  He was born at 8:35am, 6.5 hours after I woke up, weighing 7lb 12oz.  I spent most of that time thinking I still had a long way to go and wondering why my emotional signposts weren’t making sense with the labor I was having, lol.

After the not entirely successful attempt at a homebirth with my son Tyler, I was very keen for this birth to turn out the way I wanted, at home.As with Tyler, I had a lovely uneventful pregnancy, cared for by my wonderful midwife.

I went to bed on the Wednesday night, and was almost asleep, when I felt a ‘pop’ and a small gush of water emerged.

I continued to leak for the rest of the night, and had very mild period like pains, which I mostly slept right through.

Upon waking on Thursday morning, I had a couple of mild pains, nothing much at all, and the leaking, and bloody show stopped altogether.  I thought it was all a bit of a false alarm, so dh went to work, but he rang me within the hour, and told me he had decided to come home after all.  I was pretty relieved, as I had started to get a few more mild pains, and my waters had begun leaking again. This pattern continued until around 3:30pm, when quite suddenly my contractions began to have real ‘bite’ to them, they were about 10 minutes apart, so I was not really concerned about my mw getting here too quickly, and told her I would ring when they got closer.

In the meantime I had rung my doula, and she was on the way, in really heavy traffic.  I probably had about a dozen of these pretty excruciating contractions all up, and remember thinking to myself, “Why the heck am I here at home, what an idiot, I want DRUGS!”

During the latest contraction, I found myself making these really guttural grunting noises, and thought, wow, that almost felt as though I wanted to push! but thought how silly is that, I couldn’t possibly be needing to push yet.

The next contraction was a doozy, and I yelled out to Ian “Omg! I’m pushing!” Well, he completely freaked out, as an unassisted birth is his worst nightmare.
He immediately rang our mw, all he said was, “You’ve gotta come now! She’s pushing!” – didn’t even say who he was, he was in such a panic.

At this stage I was still in the living room, pacing around and leaning on the furniture, when quite suddenly I felt an intense need to take my skirt and knickers off, and I was on my hands and knees, as I couldn’t stand up anymore, and proceeded to crawl up the hallway to my bedroom, which was the designated birthing room, calling instructions to dh to get a plastic sheet down, and a bedsheet for me to kneel on.

So this is how our doula found us, with Ian applying hot towels, bliss! and she started giving me firm massage on my lower back.I

an’s relief at no longer being alone with me was palpable, he visibly relaxed.
Our mw arrived about 20 minutes later, and I had been having great pushing contractions, so she could see about a 10 cent sized piece of head on view with each push.

That urge to push is just so lovely, so completely uncontrollable. I never had an urge with my last birth, so it was all new territory for me.

Although I was well on my way, pushing still continued for a good hour, until I could feel baby was almost crowning, and his head actually came out about half way, so I was at full stretch OWWWW!!!! and stayed there, OWWWWW!!!! until the next contraction 4 minutes later.

I pushed much too hard, and tore a bit, and my mw was telling me to slow down as the cord was around the neck, but I couldn’t, and my mw managed to get the cord off anyway, and out my little baby shot, like a wee missile! He was born at 7:22pm, and was 8lb 2oz.

I have been reading Sarah Buckley’s book, ‘Gentle birth, gentle mothering’ and she talks about the ‘feotal ejection reflex’ where you have a few really massive pushes at the very end to get baby out, and I can clearly remember thinking to myself just before baby was born, and the head kept feeling like it was sliding back in, “Where the HECK is my feotal ejection reflex!!!!!” I’m such a geek sometimes!

As baby was around a week ‘early’ he had an amazing amount of vernix on him still, was very white.

He was a little wheezy, had swallowed a bit of mucous, or amnio fluid, so our mw sucked some gunk out of his nose and mouth, and we gave him a little O2.
The placenta came out very easily (compared to last time) and at last I could relax!

Baby latched on nicely to the (left, of course!) breast and fed well, he almost hasn’t stopped since!

My older son Tyler (2) was just amazing throughout the whole thing, he was either bouncing up and down on the bed in the birthing room, or reading a book, or playing with toys etc, he was quite interested, but never distressed, gave me a few funny looks when I was at my most vocal, but was pretty much cool as a cucumber.

Our doula was just great with him, I don’t know what we would have done without her.

I did end up having to be stitched, which was a little traumatic, I’m not the best with needles, especially ones being injected into my vagina!

As the sewing up was being done, my partner ran into the room, really excited, as there was a seven foot multicoloured snake curled up on the doorstep, looking all the world like a guardian. So that was a special addition to the atmosphere, an uninvited, but most welcome guest at the proceedings!

I’m absolutely over the moon, despite feeling pretty shattered, I DID IT! I had my homebirth!

You decided to join us on a peaceful Sunday afternoon in May.  The day before had been your Daddy’s birthday and he had spent it at a taekwondo training camp, doing what he loved most.  I was large and uncomfortably pregnant.  My belly strained against my shrinking clothing, marked by the bright red stretch marks permanently tattooing my body with proof of your gestation.  I was ready for you to come.Saturday was spent catching up on laundry, a task I delegated to your older brother and sister.  A total of thirteen loads were completed, the apartment was cleaned and I painted my toenails bright red.  I gave myself a facial and then took a short nap, waking to a call from your aunt to wish Daddy a “happy birthday”.  Daddy came home that evening and I made a run to the store to pick up ingredients for dinner.  The cashier commented on my large belly, asking when you were due to arrive.  “June 4^th“, I replied, secretly hoping you would arrive much sooner.  Another ten days or more of pregnancy seemed like a million years and I longed to hold and see you.

After dinner we lounged around watching movies until almost 1am.  I was exhausted and ready for bed, but stayed up to finish watching the DVD’s that Daddy had gotten as birthday presents from our friends.  Finally climbing into bed, I snuggled up next to your sister, Kayla, then three and a half years old, only to discover her hot with fever and unwilling to sleep. Three hours later, after a cool bath, fluids and a combination of Tylenol and Motrin, Kayla was finally peacefully asleep, and I sank back into the warmth of my bed to snooze at 4am.  As I drifted off, a familiar tightening sensation pulled across my belly.  Wide awake I wondered what it was.  Seven minutes later, I felt it again.  Now there was no way I was going to be able to fall asleep.  Excitement rushed through me as I realized that today may be the day that I get to hold my sweet baby in my arms!

Trying hard not to wake anyone, I sat at the computer to play solitaire.  Unable to keep my attention, I wandered into the living room, flipping through the countless channels that tend to show nothing but infomercials so early on a Sunday morning.  Daddy’s alarm was set for 6am, as it was the last day for his training camp.  At 5:45 I decided to wake him, letting him know that it looked like today was “the day”.  We decided since it was still early in labor and he would only be five minutes away from home that he would still go to the camp and I would call him if things picked up or I needed him.  He woke your sister Brittney, then thirteen- years-old, and she brought me a bowl of cereal to eat.

We planned to have your birth out of hospital with a midwife.  It was incredibly important for me to have you as peacefully as possible with little interference.  I had faith in my body’s ability to birth you, but still had some residual fears.  Earlier in my pregnancy I had decided to create self mantras to get over some of my fears.  One thing I would often say to myself was “My body WILL open up and I WILL birth this baby!”  As I rocked in the early morning shower, the hot beat of water pounding on my contracting belly, I repeated this to myself over and over again.  I would not be afraid.  I would not allow fear to tense my body which I knew in turn would cause pain, followed by more fear and so on.  It was a cycle I had no intention of allowing to take hold of me, like it had in my prior birth.

I decided to lie down, hoping I might be able to get a small amount of sleep, but instead decided I wanted my husband home with me.  Your daddy had been gone less than hour when I asked Brittney to call him home.  The birthing waves were still easy and manageable, and as soon as Daddy got home I was able to drift off to sleep for a short nap.  We had already called the midwife and decided to meet her at the birth center around 9:30 am.  At 9, I was woken by Brittney to help me get up and dressed when I was hit with a wave of nausea.  Brittney, seeing the look on my face came running with a pot just in time for me to throw up my breakfast.  She was amazing for being only thirteen and quietly took away the pot and cleaned the mess.  My Mom, your Gammie, stopped by and picked up Kayla to take her for the day.

We arrived at the birth center shortly afterwards.  Our midwife, Kathie Sue, was a naturopathic physician and licensed midwife.  She ran a small family practice and birth center a short five minutes away from home.  She was attended by two student midwives, Melissa and Karen, who would assist with our birth.  Arriving, just short of 10 am, Kathie Sue asked me if it would be Ok for her to check my cervix.  I replied that would be fine, except that I would not lie on my back.  The waves were not tolerable lying that way. While I lay on my side, she checked me and announced I was about 5-6 centimeters open.  She encouraged me to walk around, however advised us that the tub was available for my use whenever I needed it.

Daddy and I walked around the birth center.  Everything was quiet and peaceful and we were left alone to do as we wished. When a wave would come, we would stop and I would hold onto Daddy as if we were slow dancing.  I would drop my weight into him, my arms around his neck.  It felt wonderful and safe.  The sensations were strong, but it was not anything I would call pain.

As time passed, my sleepless night began to wear on me and I grew tired.  I decided to climb into the bathtub and sink down into the bliss of the warm water.  The room I was to birth in looked straight out of a bed and breakfast.  It was the next best thing to being at home, and was absolutely more peaceful than any noisy hospital could have ever been.  Occasionally your heart tones would be checked and I would hear the calming swish-swish of your heartbeat.  Natural light from outside filled the room and I did not wish to have the blinds closed to darken it. Despite having brought music to listen to, I kept it off, keeping the room quiet.  It felt as if the entire world had stopped in anticipation of your arrival.

Drifting off to sleep, Melissa asked me to get out of the tub.  My labor was slowing and she wanted me to get back up moving.  Tired, I decided to lie down on the bed, requesting Kathie Sue to check my cervix again.  8 centimeters, she said, you are almost there! At that moment, my labor changed.  I went from peaceful and under control to feeling like a torrential storm was overtaking my body.  The waves pounded one after another, with no reprieve.  I cried for them to stop, pleading with whoever heard me that I was done and ready to go home.

Karen sat next to me and I grasped onto her.  “Get back under your contractions”, she whispered, “just like you were doing before”, reminding me that I had once been under control and could do it again.  I breathed, panted and moaned.  My back was aching terribly and time seemed like it no longer existed.  After what may have been only a few minutes, but what felt like a few lifetimes, the sensations changed.  My body involuntarily started to push down and my pants turned into grunts.

Kathie Sue suggested I try to use the bathroom before pushing.  Sitting there on the toilet, I wanted to cry.  I couldn’t pee, and I couldn’t decide where I wanted to go.  The idea of lying back down was not appealing to me, but I knew I couldn’t stay on the toilet.  I clenched Melissa’s dainty hands, fearing in the back of my head that I would break them.  “The birth stool is ready for you”, I heard called from the other room.  Yes! That sounded amazing and I was happy to get out of the bathroom so I could finally meet you.

Sitting down on the stool, Daddy sat behind me, his hands on my belly.  The three women sat before me and I started to push.  Kathie Sue directed me to try and push my hands down on my knees to direct my energy downwards, and this helped immensely.  Having had an epidural birth previously, I had never known what pushing was supposed to feel like or how to do it.  Within seconds I could feel it! You were moving downwards.  I could feel your head slip past my cervix and into the birth canal.  Wow! It was such an amazing, powerful sensation.  As I continued to push I could feel exactly what I was doing, how pushing would move your head further down into the birth canal and how when I would stop to breathe it would slide back up a little bit.  Not liking that in the least, I decided to myself that I would just keep pushing!

I wish that words were enough to describe to you what this felt like.  There was this amazing power that surged through my body, nothing like I have ever felt before or since.  I felt as if I was standing at the edge of a cliff, somewhere where the veils between life and death were lifted.  Even though I felt as if I was on this edge somewhere, I knew I had to keep pushing past it in order to bring you into this world.  Soon your head began to emerge from my body.  Reaching down, I could felt the warm wrinkly top of your head full of hair, reminding me that I was just inches away from meeting my baby.  With another push your head was born and I exhaled a loud sigh of relief.

“Janelle,” I hear, “I need for you to get up on the bed on your hands and knees”.  My thoughts are that they are absurdly crazy.  Does no one see that I have a head of a person sticking out of me? How am I supposed to move and why the heck would I want to?

“I can’t!” I replied, to which is responded by four sets of hands lifting me up onto the bed in front of me.  Oh God, I think, shoulder dystocia! I know what necessitates being in a hands and knees position.  Shoulder dystocia is when the baby’s shoulders are stuck behind the pubic bone, a scary situation. With Daddy by my head, seconds later I felt a pop as the rest of you is born at 3:41pm on May 26, 2002.

Looking down, all I can see is a set of chubby little feet kicking between my legs.  Daddy and the midwives help me turn over and you are then handed to me.  All I can think, when I first see you, is how you look like *my* baby.  I know that sounds completely silly, but instantaneously I knew in every cell of my body that you were mine.  You had had your first bowel movement as you were born, so you had sticky meconium on your legs.  You were an absolute chub with fat, chunky thighs and a chubby little face, a complete contrast to your sister who had been much smaller.

As soon as I placed you on my chest you latched onto my breast like a hungry little piranha. When I had Kayla it took us a week of struggling for her to learn how to latch and breastfeed, so I am taken by surprise how you don’t need any help! I have to assume that this is due to there being absolutely no drugs in your system to make you sleepy or hinder your natural abilities.  You nurse on both sides as Kathie Sue cleans us both up and I eat a blueberry yogurt.

After some time, they weight you—8 lbs, 15 oz! You are well over a pound larger than Kayla had been! We make calls to our family to announce your arrival.  I call your Mormor and let her know you are here and that we have named you Thomas, after my Morfar.  She is crying with happiness and honored that you are being named for your great-grandfathered who passed away when I was a little girl.

After a few hours to make sure we are both doing well, Daddy and I packed you up to head home and introduce you to your family.  We get home a little before 7pm, just 3 hours after you are born.  Daddy carries you upstairs into our apartment and then comes back down to help me up.  Walking into the living room I see Kayla, Brittney and Jeremiah gathered around your car seat.

“Mommy!” Kayla says, “This is baby is soooo cute!” and a big smile spread across her face.

Everyone took turns holding and loving on you.  Daddy goes to the deli and grabs me a turkey sandwich for dinner.  Finally around 11pm, I get to snuggle down with my Thomas Jacob and get the rest we both deserve after a long day full of hard work.

Thank you, baby boy, for being born.  Thank you for showing me how strong I can be. Thank you for helping me learn that babies can be born in peace and love and that birth does not have to be treated like an illness or injury.  I love you so very much.

Love,

Mommy